Grace....

I’m sitting here…monitoring a freshman study hall…and my brain is going bananas. Thinking of all the things I need to do, or get ahead on. For school, for work, for the holidays, for, for, for….. During quarantine I SWORE I would never ever complain about being busy again. And I haven’t complained, necessarily, but I have been overwhelmed. I think I was so ready to get back to ‘normal’ that I jumped in two feet first (*typical) and here I sit, a little overwhelmed and anxious because of it. October alone was a BEAST. On the business side, I shot…wait for it….4 weddings (including one out of state) and 57 sessions. I know. I’m an idiot. Because I have another full time job. On the teaching side, I also had my first formal observation, wrote and headed up 5 IEP meetings, presented a new class to the school board because I saw a need and designed a new class for it, and then all the general planning that goes along with school. Life has been nothing short of CRAZY.

But you know what? I did it. Maybe not perfect but I did it, and I’m proud of the work I did. A little shocked I was able to do it, and also may or may not have gained about 8 pounds in the process, but I did it. So as I sit here a little overwhelmed, this little voice in the back of my head is reminding myself of the importance of grace.

Such a simple word. Grace. By definition, it means ‘courteous goodwill’. When you extend grace to others- you show them the decency to be kind, accepting, and forgiving. And it’s so important I think to show that to yourself too. Especially during times like this.

My instagram feed is WAY cooler in my head. My lesson plans are ridiculously creative and inspiring- in my head. My house is already decorated for Christmas and my cards addressed and my list half bought- in my head. But while I could get upset about those things not being what I know they are capable of being- I have to show myself some grace.

I know I’m not alone in this. Not now, not ever. I know that for centuries parents, teachers, brides, kids- have put tremendous pressure on themselves to overperform. Comparison can be deadly- and it truly can rob you of your joy. During this pandemic- when things are even MORE out of control than usual- that pressure is amplified. Comparison is almost worse too- because with more and more things cancelling- people are living vicariously through social media. So I wanted to write this post as a gentle reminder.

Show grace.

To others. People are fighting all kinds of demons in their head. Uncertainty and anxiety leading the way through it all. Be patient. Forgive quickly. Apologize if you overreact. We’re all on edge- but when you realize a wrong, own up and apologize, fast. Let people know you’re there. Show grace to your friends, your kids, your spouse, the teachers, the people making the tough decisions.

To yourself. Give yourself a break. Literally. Figuratively. It’s 100% okay if your instagram feed isn’t perfect. It’s 100% okay if you’ve gained a few pounds through this. It’s 100% okay if my lesson plans are a 9/10 instead of a 10/10. Give yourself a pat on the back and literally say ‘it’s okay…I know you’re doing the best you can do, and the effort is good enough for me.’

With everything going on right now, I’m not sure that any of us are at ‘full capacity’ to be able to live well. A LOT of our cups are filled with worry and anxiety and sadness over what we’re missing and grief over what we’ve lost. With whatever I have left in me at the end of the day- I don’t want to spend it worrying about an Instagram feed. I want to use what’s left in my cup to love. On others, on myself.

Wishing you lots of grace as we head into Thanksgiving. :)